Funny Train Stories?

[Aunty Acid]

Has anyone got any funny or shocking railway stories? It can be your own, or somebody else's. Jut curious to see. Here's two of mine - one that happened to me, one that happened to comedian Zoe Lyons.

Mine:
I was passing through East Croydon Tram stop, coming back from a trip to see and ride on the (then new) Class 387s, and was on the tram up to Wimbledon, then on from there. I had just sat down with some lunch, and this old man in a red jacket came up to me, looked at me in the eye, and said "I am 64 years old and still a virgin". That was all I heard, as I was listening to music, but did take my headphones off for the creepy yet somehow hilarious part. All I said was "good for you mate", and then for some reason he just waddled off. Tried to stay as far away from him as possible throughout the tram journey. Ew.

Zoe Lyons' story:
I was once on a train coming back into Croydon late at night, and there was a businessman sat opposite me, and a very, very drunk man sat opposite the businessman who was clearly trying to hold in the contents of his evening, and this train just pulled into Croydon, and this drunk man just threw up into this plastic bag in front of him, and without missing a beat the businessman looked up and went "Croydon does that to me too sometimes"

Put your horror stories below!
Aunty Acid

[Shippy2013]

HA HA Very good ....

I have one of my own. A few years ago.

I was probably about 18/19 so would make it about 2001ish I was travelling on a train from Skegness to my home town Nottingham on what me and a few of my friends had nicknamed the "Chav Vegas Express" the last train to depart Skegness on the Monday of the August Bank holiday. We sat down at a table seat on the usual Central Trains 153, for some reason CT always put a single car train on the last and most busiest service although 3 car class 153/156 had worked all day. Sat across from us was a group of ladies probably mid 30's obviously returning home from a hen weekend in "Chav-ness" there were about 8 or 9 and six of them were accompanied by let's say large inflatable male appendage, LOL. Now bearing in mind the single car train was trying to load the equivalent of three cars worth of passengers and the lady's had decided to give there inflatables seats, I never forget the look of shock, horror and shear embarrassment when the poor CT ticket inspector who was aged about 23/24 was trying to explain to the rather drunk ladies that they would have to move ther "Cock's" so that other passengers could sit. Funnily enough he never came down the train again till the lady's got off at Grantham........

[rjhowie]

As a young man I was a clerk on a Glasgow suburban station and had to ensure the station was open on time quite early as train for the West Highland railway was due to stop to pick up a group of 6 people going to Fort William. We were an electric line but the Fort William line was still steam. Our station building was on street level on a bridge with the track below but as the special stop was important I got a bit worried when I heard the train approaching kind of fast. The people picked up their cases and moved forward but the train thundered through with the horn sounding and went on. Willie the senior porter tried to deal with irate passengers and he hurried up the stairs to harangue me! After reminding him it was and would phone control telling them the station and the information and that the West Highland due to stop at 6.45am specially being a local Trade Holiday time, well in fact, hadn't! There was a silence then the voice went "Oh hell." So I wanted to know what the 6 passengers were going to have to do and was told to hold on. A minute or two later the controller came back and said a special was coming through in three-quarters of an hour and would be told to stop specially but he paused again and told me to tell the signal box to put a signal at red to make sure. Duly did and thankfully that one stopped!

[Aunty Acid]

In response to Shippy:

I have recently got off the Butetown branch line and have seen something very similar - didnt have the wit to take a photo though.